1
00:01:17,817 --> 00:01:21,733
By the time you read this note,
my life will be at it's end.
2
00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:26,025
My heart is as cold as Ike,
and I find my life inbearable.
3
00:01:27,025 --> 00:01:30,525
I know your children may not understand
the sad life of a dowager,
4
00:01:30,608 --> 00:01:31,983
or what would have lead...
5
00:01:32,442 --> 00:01:34,317
lead...led me to this desperate act...
6
00:01:35,400 --> 00:01:38,025
but please know
that I am much happier this way.
7
00:01:38,108 --> 00:01:39,775
As my last will and testament,
8
00:01:39,858 --> 00:01:42,067
I leave you three in the care
of Captain Sham,
9
00:01:42,650 --> 00:01:44,150
a kind and honorable men.
10
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:48,358
Please think of me kindly,
even though I'd done this terrible thing.
11
00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:50,567
Josephine Anwhistle."
12
00:01:50,650 --> 00:01:53,025
- It can't be.
- Can't be.
13
00:01:54,317 --> 00:01:56,650
When you lose someone important to you,
14
00:01:56,733 --> 00:02:00,608
"it can't be" are often the words
that run through your saddened head.
15
00:02:00,692 --> 00:02:03,025
It can't be that I've lost
someone so important.
16
00:02:03,108 --> 00:02:05,317
It can't be that I will never
see them again.
17
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,233
It can't be, it can't be...
18
00:02:08,483 --> 00:02:09,317
it can't be.
19
00:02:11,442 --> 00:02:12,775
My name is Lemony Snicket,
20
00:02:12,858 --> 00:02:15,442
and it is my job to report the history
of the Baudelaire orphans,
21
00:02:15,525 --> 00:02:17,692
but it can't be that you have
nothing better to do.
22
00:02:18,608 --> 00:02:20,358
The Baudelaires believed, incorrectly,
23
00:02:20,442 --> 00:02:22,483
that they would never see
their Aunt Josephine again,
24
00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:25,900
but it can't be that you are interested
in watching them suffer
25
00:02:25,983 --> 00:02:31,275
as her last words echo again and again
throughout her empty and doomed house.
26
00:02:33,108 --> 00:02:34,150
It can't be.
27
00:02:34,233 --> 00:02:35,567
"As my last will and testament,
28
00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:38,192
I leave you three in the care
of Captain Sham,
29
00:02:38,275 --> 00:02:39,858
a kind and honorable men.
30
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:43,483
Please think of me kindly
even though I'd done this terrible thing."
31
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:46,900
Yes, yes.
I understand. I'll tell them.
32
00:02:46,983 --> 00:02:50,108
Of course, I'll tell them.
I promise I'll tell them.
33
00:02:50,733 --> 00:02:51,692
Goodbye.
34
00:02:53,150 --> 00:02:56,567
Mr. Poe says we can always rely
on Mulctuary Money Management.
35
00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:57,733
I just can't believe it.
36
00:02:57,817 --> 00:02:59,525
It's all there in ink
and shaky handwriting.
37
00:02:59,608 --> 00:03:02,442
Aunt Josephine is dead and she's left us
in the care of Count Olaf.
38
00:03:02,525 --> 00:03:04,567
It's not right.
There's something funny about this note.
39
00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:07,192
There's nothing funny about
a woman throwing herself out a window.
40
00:03:07,275 --> 00:03:10,442
Not funny as in a funny joke.
Funny as in a funny... smell.
41
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:12,983
Let me show you.
42
00:03:16,358 --> 00:03:19,150
In the very first sentence, she says,
"My life will be at it's end."
43
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,650
- And now it is.
- That's not what I mean.
44
00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:26,192
She says "it's," I-T-apostrophe-S,
meaning "it is."
45
00:03:26,775 --> 00:03:28,942
She means I-T-S.
That's a sizable grammatical error.
46
00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:31,858
Who cares about grammatical errors
when she jumped out a window?
47
00:03:31,942 --> 00:03:33,775
Aunt Josephine would've cared.
48
00:03:33,858 --> 00:03:35,525
She said grammar
was the greatest joy in life.
49
00:03:35,608 --> 00:03:36,608
That's not enough.
50
00:03:36,692 --> 00:03:39,900
No matter how much she liked grammar,
she says she found her life unbearable.
51
00:03:39,983 --> 00:03:43,608
That's another error. She didn't say she
found her life unbearable, with a U.
52
00:03:43,692 --> 00:03:46,775
She said she found her life inbearable,
with an I.
53
00:03:46,858 --> 00:03:47,983
That's not a word.
54
00:03:48,067 --> 00:03:50,858
Our situation isn't inbearable.
It's unbearable.
55
00:03:50,942 --> 00:03:52,775
Aunt Josephine left us
in the care of Captain Sham,
56
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,233
and I don't know what we can do about it.
57
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,483
I wish we'd never read Mr. Poe that note.
58
00:03:56,567 --> 00:03:59,400
Then we could've torn it up
and forged a new one in her handwriting
59
00:03:59,483 --> 00:04:01,858
that didn't mention... Captain Sham.
60
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:04,483
Wouldn't it be difficult
to imitate her handwriting?
61
00:04:05,108 --> 00:04:07,150
Maybe it's not her handwriting at all.
62
00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:31,983
Forgery? That's a very serious charge.
63
00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:34,525
- Not as serious as murder.
- Which is what Count Olaf did.
64
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:37,358
He murdered Aunt Josephine
and forged a note.
65
00:04:37,442 --> 00:04:39,400
Again with Count Olaf. I must say,
66
00:04:39,483 --> 00:04:41,900
other than a gaping, middle-aged
woman-shaped hole in the window,
67
00:04:41,983 --> 00:04:44,483
I can see no sign of a struggle
or a break-in.
68
00:04:44,567 --> 00:04:48,317
We told you. Count Olaf didn't have
to break into Aunt Josephine's house.
69
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,983
He was in disguise and Aunt Josephine
fell for it, hook, line and sinker.
70
00:04:51,067 --> 00:04:52,567
Please, there's no time for fishing jokes.
71
00:04:52,650 --> 00:04:54,567
There's a very simple way
to tell who wrote this note.
72
00:04:54,650 --> 00:04:58,108
We simply have to compare it
to your Aunt Josephine's handwriting.
73
00:04:58,192 --> 00:05:01,567
That's... actually an excellent idea.
74
00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:03,400
You are very intelligent children,
75
00:05:03,483 --> 00:05:06,317
but even the most intelligent people
sometimes need the help of a banker.
76
00:05:08,983 --> 00:05:10,358
Wait right here.
77
00:05:13,067 --> 00:05:16,108
Here's Aunt Josephine's shopping list.
We can use this to compare.
78
00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:17,317
Oh, look here.
79
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,025
Look at the V
in "Several gallons of Vinegar,"
80
00:05:19,108 --> 00:05:21,692
and how it matches the V in "Violet"
she wrote in the note.
81
00:05:21,775 --> 00:05:23,692
And look at the C
in "Cold Soup Ingredients,"
82
00:05:23,775 --> 00:05:25,483
and how it matches
the C in "Captain Sham."
83
00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:28,317
And look where she writes "I think
shopping is terribly dangerous"
84
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,192
and how it matches "think of me kindly,
even though I'd done this terrible thing."
85
00:05:32,275 --> 00:05:34,567
It should be
"I've done this terrible thing."
86
00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:37,150
Yes, it is a terrible thing,
and I'm sure it's very upsetting to read.
87
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:39,233
But once and for all,
we can see the note is not a forgery.
88
00:05:39,317 --> 00:05:40,442
You're right.
89
00:05:40,525 --> 00:05:42,192
But why would this Captain Sham person
90
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:44,317
go through so much trouble
just to place you under his care?
91
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,733
We've already told you,
Captain Sham is Count Olaf in disguise.
92
00:05:47,817 --> 00:05:50,567
Now then, I know you three
have had some terrible experiences,
93
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:53,442
but you mustn't start letting
your imaginations get the best of you.
94
00:05:53,525 --> 00:05:55,317
Remember when you were staying
with Uncle Monty?
95
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,692
You were convinced
that his assistant, Stephano,
96
00:05:57,775 --> 00:06:00,067
was actually Count Olaf in disguise.
97
00:06:00,650 --> 00:06:03,025
Stephano was actually
Count Olaf in disguise.
98
00:06:03,108 --> 00:06:05,942
The point is that you can't
just start jumping to conclusions.
99
00:06:06,025 --> 00:06:08,483
You've jumped to the conclusion
that this note was a forgery,
100
00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:10,025
and now you're jumping to the conclusion
101
00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:12,025
that a villainous man
who swore he'd stop at nothing
102
00:06:12,108 --> 00:06:13,942
until he got ahold
of your parents' enormous fortune
103
00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:16,900
is involved in some plot to get ahold
of your parents' enormous fortune.
104
00:06:16,983 --> 00:06:19,400
You don't have to believe us.
See for yourself.
105
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:23,692
His troupe has been camped outside
all night keeping an eye on us.
106
00:06:27,067 --> 00:06:29,442
Ah, I see an approaching hurricane,
but no theatrical troupe.
107
00:06:31,150 --> 00:06:32,358
It's like I said, Baudelaires.
108
00:06:32,442 --> 00:06:34,983
You're letting your imagination
get the best of you.
109
00:06:35,067 --> 00:06:36,567
Imagination's all well and good
110
00:06:36,650 --> 00:06:38,650
for children's books
or digital entertainment,
111
00:06:38,733 --> 00:06:40,025
but this is real life.
112
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,775
Mr. Poe, you have to believe us
113
00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:44,525
when we tell you that Captain Sham
is really Count Olaf.
114
00:06:44,608 --> 00:06:46,400
Aunt Josephine's note
might not have been forged,
115
00:06:46,483 --> 00:06:47,900
but there's something suspicious going on.
116
00:06:47,983 --> 00:06:49,817
It's full of grammatical errors.
117
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,650
Children, disguises
and grammatical errors,
118
00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:54,650
these are dire accusations,
but they're easily investigated.
119
00:06:54,733 --> 00:06:56,692
We can settle the whole matter
over brunch.
120
00:06:56,775 --> 00:06:57,775
Brunch?
121
00:06:57,858 --> 00:07:00,067
Yes, it's a word for the combination
of breakfast and lunch.
122
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:01,317
We know what brunch means.
123
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,525
Oh, good, then you'll have
an easy time with the menu.
124
00:07:03,608 --> 00:07:05,858
Captain Sham's invited us all
to a restaurant to talk this over.
125
00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:07,942
You've already spoken with Captain Sham?
126
00:07:08,025 --> 00:07:10,858
Yes, by some strange coincidence,
he called me accidentally,
127
00:07:10,942 --> 00:07:14,400
trying to reach a knife store to buy
a surprise for some children he knows.
128
00:07:14,483 --> 00:07:16,775
He was shocked to hear
about Josephine's death,
129
00:07:16,858 --> 00:07:19,025
but overjoyed at the prospect
of raising you children.
130
00:07:19,108 --> 00:07:20,608
What sailor wouldn't be?
131
00:07:20,692 --> 00:07:22,775
We're not going to brunch
with that villain.
132
00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:26,025
- We'll stay here and examine the note.
- Oh, no, no, Baudelaires.
133
00:07:26,108 --> 00:07:28,358
I want to settle this matter
once and for all.
134
00:07:28,442 --> 00:07:31,567
They tell me Hurricane Herman
is going to be so enormous and menacing
135
00:07:31,650 --> 00:07:34,442
it'll most likely shut down
all electric power in the city.
136
00:07:34,525 --> 00:07:35,692
So I want to settle this quickly,
137
00:07:35,775 --> 00:07:37,942
put you in the hands of a sailor
I just met on the phone,
138
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:41,150
before returning safe and sound
to the city.
139
00:07:46,608 --> 00:07:49,317
Children, I promise to investigate
this man Captain Sham
140
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,775
to the fullest extent
of my ability as a banker.
141
00:07:51,858 --> 00:07:56,983
If he's in disguise as you claim,
the eyes of Poe will catch it immediately.
142
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,608
You probably know of a plant
called the Venus flytrap
143
00:08:22,692 --> 00:08:23,900
which grows in the tropics
144
00:08:23,983 --> 00:08:26,817
and in the apartments
of certain lonely people.
145
00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:30,067
The top of the plant is shaped
like an open mouth
146
00:08:30,150 --> 00:08:31,983
with toothlike spines around the edges.
147
00:08:32,067 --> 00:08:34,942
When a fly
attracted to the smell of the flower
148
00:08:35,025 --> 00:08:37,358
lands on the Venus flytrap,
149
00:08:37,442 --> 00:08:41,525
the mouth of the plant begins to close,
trapping the terrified fly
150
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:44,692
who slowly, slowly, slowly...
151
00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,233
dissolves into nothing.
152
00:08:47,983 --> 00:08:50,942
As Violet, Klaus and Sunny arrived
at their brunch with Count Olaf,
153
00:08:51,025 --> 00:08:54,025
a few minutes late
because Mr. Poe missed the turn...
154
00:09:00,108 --> 00:09:01,817
they felt as helpless as a fly
155
00:09:01,900 --> 00:09:05,817
as Count Olaf's evil scheme
closed around them.
156
00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:08,275
Sadly, they would not learn
for a long time
157
00:09:08,358 --> 00:09:11,525
that someone was there,
desperately trying to help them.
158
00:09:11,608 --> 00:09:14,442
Uh, hello, I'm Larry, your waiter.
Welcome to the Anxious Clown Restaurant,
159
00:09:14,525 --> 00:09:16,400
where everybody has a good time
whether they like it or not.
160
00:09:16,483 --> 00:09:18,233
I can see we have a whole family
lunching together,
161
00:09:18,317 --> 00:09:21,025
so allow me to recommend
the Extra Fun Special Family Appetizer.
162
00:09:21,108 --> 00:09:23,400
It's a bunch of things fried up together
and served with a sauce.
163
00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,775
Well, that sounds wonderful!
164
00:09:25,858 --> 00:09:30,942
Extra Special Family Fun Appetizer
for an extra special family.
165
00:09:31,525 --> 00:09:32,608
Mine.
166
00:09:32,692 --> 00:09:34,692
I'll just have a glass of water,
thank you.
167
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:38,275
Same for me. And a glass of ice cubes
for my baby sister, please.
168
00:09:38,358 --> 00:09:40,608
I'll have a cup of coffee
with nondairy creamer, please.
169
00:09:40,692 --> 00:09:44,400
Oh, no, Poe. Let's, uh, share
a nice bottle of red wine.
170
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:47,692
Oh, no, thanks, Captain Sham.
I don't drink during banking hours.
171
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:50,358
Yeah, but it's a celebratory brunch.
We should drink a toast.
172
00:09:50,442 --> 00:09:53,692
After all, it's not every day that
a man becomes a father of three children.
173
00:09:54,275 --> 00:09:56,650
Please, Sham.
It's heartening to know that
174
00:09:56,733 --> 00:09:58,858
you're glad to raise the children,
but you must understand,
175
00:09:58,942 --> 00:10:01,358
the children lost their Aunt Josephine.
They're rather upset.
176
00:10:01,442 --> 00:10:03,358
I'm upset, too. I'm...
177
00:10:03,442 --> 00:10:05,442
I'm probably more upset.
178
00:10:05,942 --> 00:10:08,233
Josephine was my, uh...
179
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,858
uh...
180
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:13,733
Josephine was my oldest
and dearest friend. Thank you.
181
00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:18,233
You met her yesterday
at the town market and petting zoo.
182
00:10:19,608 --> 00:10:23,400
It really does seem like yesterday,
but actually it was many years ago.
183
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,192
She and I met at cooking school.
184
00:10:26,275 --> 00:10:29,150
We were oven partners
in the Advanced Baking Course.
185
00:10:29,233 --> 00:10:30,817
You weren't oven partners.
186
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,817
Aunt Josephine was desperately afraid
of turning on an oven.
187
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,983
Soon we became fast friends,
and then one day she said to me,
188
00:10:37,067 --> 00:10:41,442
"If I ever adopt some orphans
and then meet an untimely death,
189
00:10:41,525 --> 00:10:44,733
promise me that you will raise them
as if they were your own."
190
00:10:45,025 --> 00:10:48,608
Of course, I agreed, but I had no idea
I would have to keep that promise.
191
00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:50,983
Josephine is dead?
192
00:10:53,692 --> 00:10:54,525
Yes.
193
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:58,067
Josephine Anwhistle jumped
out of the window
194
00:10:58,150 --> 00:11:00,317
of her own home late last night.
195
00:11:00,983 --> 00:11:02,025
Didn't you hear?
196
00:11:03,858 --> 00:11:06,400
I didn't realize this was a sad occasion.
In that case,
197
00:11:06,483 --> 00:11:09,025
allow me to recommend
the Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers.
198
00:11:09,108 --> 00:11:12,900
The pickles, mustard and ketchup make
a little smiley face on top of the burger,
199
00:11:12,983 --> 00:11:15,567
which is guaranteed
to get ya smilin', too.
200
00:11:15,650 --> 00:11:19,483
So make sure you look inside
before you eat it.
201
00:11:21,775 --> 00:11:23,817
Well, that's a wonderful idea.
202
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,692
Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers
for everyone, Larry!
203
00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:34,608
Odd service, here.
204
00:11:34,692 --> 00:11:36,608
- It's the off-season.
- Ah.
205
00:11:38,650 --> 00:11:39,900
Nice performance out there.
206
00:11:39,983 --> 00:11:41,858
Stick to the script and we won't
throw you to the leeches.
207
00:11:41,942 --> 00:11:43,567
Yeah, no funny business, clown.
208
00:11:43,650 --> 00:11:45,775
It's Larry.
I told you my name is Larry.
209
00:11:45,858 --> 00:11:48,483
- We don't care what your name is.
- Or what gender you are.
210
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:49,817
Or whether that hair is real.
211
00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,442
- It's a clown wig.
- We don't care!
212
00:11:51,525 --> 00:11:53,525
Make sure you don't blow this.
213
00:11:53,608 --> 00:11:55,400
- So if you want to make it out of here...
- Alive.
214
00:11:55,483 --> 00:11:58,400
- With both hands.
- you better do exactly what we say.
215
00:11:58,483 --> 00:12:00,192
You're gonna fix a nice lunch
for everybody.
216
00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:02,567
- With no tricks.
- No knockout drugs.
217
00:12:02,650 --> 00:12:04,317
- No poison.
- And no secret messages written in...
218
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:05,650
- Ketchup.
- Mustard.
219
00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:08,192
Or wasabi mayo
in the Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers!
220
00:12:09,775 --> 00:12:11,317
You'll never defeat us.
221
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,858
You can surround us.
You can throw us out of windows.
222
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,733
You can threaten us
and make us cook for you...
223
00:12:15,817 --> 00:12:18,025
Sorry to interrupt,
but what's the soup of the day?
224
00:12:19,525 --> 00:12:22,400
I want to emphasize straightaway
that the Baudelaire fortune
225
00:12:22,483 --> 00:12:25,608
will still be under my supervision
until Violet comes of age.
226
00:12:25,692 --> 00:12:28,067
What fortune?
I don't know about any fortune.
227
00:12:29,150 --> 00:12:31,400
MR.
- The Baudelaire parents, uh,
228
00:12:31,483 --> 00:12:32,942
have left behind an enormous fortune
229
00:12:33,025 --> 00:12:35,067
that the children will inherit
when Violet comes of age.
230
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:37,442
Oh, I have no interest in a fortune.
231
00:12:37,525 --> 00:12:38,900
I've got my sailboats.
232
00:12:40,025 --> 00:12:43,733
Mr. Poe, Sunny's right.
Surely you can finally see that this man...
233
00:12:43,817 --> 00:12:45,150
Beverages!
234
00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:46,942
- Coffee for the gentleman.
- Thank you.
235
00:12:47,025 --> 00:12:49,067
A Fuzzy Navel for the sailor.
236
00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:51,400
- What?
- A gift from someone in the kitchen.
237
00:12:51,900 --> 00:12:55,858
- And water and ice for the Baudelaires.
- You know our names?
238
00:12:56,608 --> 00:12:59,358
Of course I don't know your names.
239
00:13:03,192 --> 00:13:06,192
I've completely forgotten what
we were saying. Don't you hate that?
240
00:13:06,275 --> 00:13:07,567
We were saying that is Count Olaf.
241
00:13:07,650 --> 00:13:11,650
- What, the waiter? He did seem odd.
- No, not the waiter. You!
242
00:13:11,733 --> 00:13:13,900
You've done something terrible
to Aunt Josephine
243
00:13:13,983 --> 00:13:15,733
and you're scheming to get our fortune.
244
00:13:15,817 --> 00:13:17,317
Why would Captain Sham
245
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,150
do something terrible
to his closest friend?
246
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,317
Good point, Poe.
247
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,275
- He isn't Captain Sham.
- He's Count Olaf.
248
00:13:33,775 --> 00:13:36,733
Baudelaires, I've been
more than patient with you.
249
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:41,733
I understand that losing your parents
and your home has had an emotional effect,
250
00:13:41,817 --> 00:13:43,858
as I imagine it would have on many people.
251
00:13:43,942 --> 00:13:46,733
I've done the best I can
to find a suitable home for you,
252
00:13:46,817 --> 00:13:48,567
but nothing I do seems to be good enough.
253
00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:52,567
And now, faced with a perfectly legal
last will and testament
254
00:13:52,650 --> 00:13:55,108
that will place you in the care
of a sailor you met yesterday,
255
00:13:55,192 --> 00:14:00,983
you start to spout these wild,
McCarthyesque accusations.
256
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:02,233
What he said.
257
00:14:02,317 --> 00:14:04,775
But if you insist...
258
00:14:05,525 --> 00:14:08,608
I will prove to you
that Captain Sham and Count Olaf
259
00:14:08,692 --> 00:14:11,733
are two completely different people,
step by step,
260
00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:13,233
as if you were babies.
261
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:16,900
Here are your Cheer-Up Cheeseburgers!
262
00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:19,775
- Count Olaf has one long eyebrow.
- I meant to ask...
263
00:14:19,858 --> 00:14:23,983
- While Captain Sham has one eyepatch.
- During damp weather, I can hardly wink.
264
00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:25,692
if any of you had any food allergies...
265
00:14:25,775 --> 00:14:28,067
Count Olaf has a tattoo
of an eye on his left ankle.
266
00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:29,483
so I might've informed the chef...
267
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:32,608
While Captain Sham has half a broomstick
where his left ankle should've been.
268
00:14:32,692 --> 00:14:33,983
We prefer the term "peg leg."
269
00:14:34,067 --> 00:14:37,400
who certainly would not want anyone
to have an allergic reaction...
270
00:14:37,483 --> 00:14:39,317
Count Olaf would have
just met Josephine...
271
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,858
that would force them
to leave the restaurant.
272
00:14:41,942 --> 00:14:43,733
while Captain Sham
has known her for many years.
273
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:45,608
Along with her husband, what's-his-name.
274
00:14:45,692 --> 00:14:48,525
Count Olaf is a murderous man who's only
interested in your parents' money,
275
00:14:48,608 --> 00:14:51,483
while Captain Sham has expressed
great interest in raising you children
276
00:14:51,567 --> 00:14:53,733
- without touching a single penny.
- We'll see.
277
00:14:54,317 --> 00:14:56,608
- We're allergic to peppermints.
- What?
278
00:14:56,692 --> 00:14:59,192
We'll see. Get me another navel!
279
00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:03,942
So, can we all agree that Captain Sham
has none of the hallmarks,
280
00:15:04,025 --> 00:15:07,025
- earmarks or benchmarks of Count Olaf?
- Agreed.
281
00:15:07,108 --> 00:15:09,025
If we could just go back
to Aunt Josephine's house.
282
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,650
There's something strange about that note.
283
00:15:10,733 --> 00:15:13,858
We've already been over the note,
Baudelaires. It's not a forgery.
284
00:15:13,942 --> 00:15:16,233
And the grammatical mistakes
are merely the nervousness
285
00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:18,567
of any woman who was
about to throw herself out a window.
286
00:15:18,650 --> 00:15:19,858
Hear, hear.
287
00:15:20,650 --> 00:15:23,150
Now, Captain Sham,
I have some papers in my briefcase
288
00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:24,608
that I need you to sign.
289
00:15:24,692 --> 00:15:26,650
And then the children will be mine?
290
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:28,400
You'll be caring for them, yes.
291
00:15:28,483 --> 00:15:31,108
And there's nothing in the world
that can stop me?
292
00:15:31,192 --> 00:15:34,608
Well, that...
A peculiar way of saying it, but, yes.
293
00:15:34,692 --> 00:15:36,650
I brought the bill. Take your time.
294
00:15:36,733 --> 00:15:39,025
I'm sure none of you are
in any particular hurry.
295
00:15:39,108 --> 00:15:40,400
The banker's buying.
296
00:15:40,483 --> 00:15:42,817
Oh, oh!
Well, okay, that... that's fine.
297
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,567
Uh, Sham, I need to have a few words
with you about the children's education.
298
00:15:46,650 --> 00:15:49,942
Oh, I've always been a big supporter
of the school voucher system.
299
00:15:50,025 --> 00:15:51,900
- Have you indeed? Tell me more.
- Yeah.
300
00:15:51,983 --> 00:15:53,733
Everyone is allergic to something.
301
00:15:54,775 --> 00:15:57,567
Whether it is gluten, injustice,
dark chocolate,
302
00:15:57,650 --> 00:16:01,567
corruption, pollen... or common decency.
303
00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:04,525
And you'll do all the dishes.
304
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,983
The Baudelaire orphans
were allergic to peppermint.
305
00:16:13,067 --> 00:16:16,525
Their allergies were notoriously
quick-acting and powerful.
306
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:18,400
Of course, if you are allergic to a thing,
307
00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:21,317
it is best not to put that thing
in your mouth,
308
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,025
particularly if the thing is cats.
309
00:16:26,692 --> 00:16:30,108
But Violet, Klaus and Sunny
knew that this was an emergency.
310
00:16:30,192 --> 00:16:33,525
The strange message they had received
seemed to indicate
311
00:16:33,608 --> 00:16:35,567
there was more for the Baudelaires
to investigate,
312
00:16:35,650 --> 00:16:39,400
but not until after they got away
from Count Olaf and his miserable lunch.
313
00:16:39,483 --> 00:16:42,942
So while Mr. Poe began to tell
a very boring story...
314
00:16:44,775 --> 00:16:47,650
That reminds me of a time
I bought a carton of milk.
315
00:16:47,733 --> 00:16:49,608
Well, the clerk asked me
what kind of milk...
316
00:16:49,692 --> 00:16:51,817
the children unwrapped
their peppermints...
317
00:16:52,983 --> 00:16:54,150
and placed them into their mouths.
318
00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:57,858
...almond milk, whole milk.
And so I said, "Low fat, please."
319
00:16:57,942 --> 00:17:00,525
And then the clerk leads me
to the dairy section
320
00:17:00,608 --> 00:17:05,108
where the milk is kept,
and then he said to me, proud as can be...
321
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,525
You look terrible!
322
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,608
We're having allergic reactions.
323
00:17:09,442 --> 00:17:12,567
I feel... I feel quite terrible.
324
00:17:14,608 --> 00:17:18,233
Goodness gracious, Violet, you have
huge, ugly, red patches on your skin.
325
00:17:18,317 --> 00:17:20,108
Klaus, your tongue is swelling.
326
00:17:20,192 --> 00:17:21,525
Sunny, both things are happening to you.
327
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,650
- I'm sure it's nothing.
- Nothing?
328
00:17:23,733 --> 00:17:26,817
Violet has a hive on her face
the size of a hard-boiled egg.
329
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,817
They just need to take some deep breaths.
330
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:31,733
- I think we should go home and rest.
- An excellent idea.
331
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:34,733
Poe, it's in the middle of brunch.
Just lean back in your seat.
332
00:17:34,817 --> 00:17:37,108
Captain Sham, the children are quite ill.
333
00:17:37,192 --> 00:17:39,442
Let's pay the bill
and take the children home.
334
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:41,358
No, no. We can go home by ourselves.
335
00:17:41,442 --> 00:17:44,442
I wouldn't dream of leaving you alone.
336
00:17:44,525 --> 00:17:47,233
Well, there is the matter
of the paperwork to go over
337
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:48,858
to make the, uh, adoption official,
338
00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:51,942
and, frankly, I would like
to take advantage
339
00:17:52,025 --> 00:17:55,567
of the Fickle Ferry's, uh, prehurricane
special reduced ticket prices.
340
00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:57,108
Yes, finish the paperwork
341
00:17:57,192 --> 00:17:58,483
and have a relaxing lunch.
342
00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:01,525
Captain Sham can come fetch us
at Aunt Josephine's house.
343
00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:05,567
I'll see you very soon.
344
00:18:07,692 --> 00:18:09,567
Save the fish heads!
345
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:12,400
Storm's comin'!
346
00:18:14,317 --> 00:18:15,983
I can't understand what you're saying,
347
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:18,983
but I assume that you think
we ought to decode Aunt Josephine's note
348
00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:21,733
before Count Olaf and Mr. Poe
finish the paperwork.
349
00:18:21,817 --> 00:18:24,775
But how are we gonna get all the way
back up to Aunt Josephine's house?
350
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,275
Does anybody need a ride someplace
for a reasonable fee?
351
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:33,275
Believe me, I've had
this conversation a million times.
352
00:18:33,358 --> 00:18:36,192
If you look at the white whale
in terms of postcolonialism...
353
00:18:36,275 --> 00:18:37,608
Thank you, sir.
354
00:18:38,692 --> 00:18:39,858
Call me Ishmael.
355
00:18:39,942 --> 00:18:43,150
We don't have much time
before Hurricane Herman arrives.
356
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:45,983
- The library.
- Good idea. The library.
357
00:18:59,567 --> 00:19:02,692
Got it. Sunny and I will take
baking soda baths to treat our hives,
358
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,692
while you begin your research.
359
00:19:04,775 --> 00:19:07,108
Exactly. Nouns and verbs.
360
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:12,858
And those moneys
are locked into the tuition fund.
361
00:19:12,942 --> 00:19:15,358
So the tuition fund cannot be spent,
for example,
362
00:19:15,442 --> 00:19:17,275
on a pair of diamond cufflinks?
363
00:19:19,108 --> 00:19:20,275
Just asking.
364
00:19:20,358 --> 00:19:23,525
All you do is saute
garlic and onions in a pot,
365
00:19:23,608 --> 00:19:27,567
then add onions, capers, anchovies,
diced parsley and tomatoes...
366
00:19:27,650 --> 00:19:29,108
Stop being friendly to him!
367
00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:38,650
Anxious Clown Restaurant.
This is Larry, your waiter.
368
00:19:41,025 --> 00:19:43,442
Alive? Where?
369
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,608
Peru?
370
00:19:46,317 --> 00:19:48,567
Secure for the moment,
but you need to know...
371
00:19:49,442 --> 00:19:50,733
Who is this?
372
00:19:57,317 --> 00:19:58,483
Hello?
373
00:20:01,108 --> 00:20:02,150
Hello?
374
00:20:02,942 --> 00:20:05,067
How does it work? Hello?
375
00:20:06,650 --> 00:20:10,192
- The restaurant's been compromised.
- We can't wait for the weather to clear.
376
00:20:10,275 --> 00:20:12,983
It's gonna take more than a hurricane
to keep us from our children.
377
00:20:13,067 --> 00:20:14,817
- Hurricane?
- Buckle up, darling.
378
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,150
It's gonna be a bumpy flight.
379
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,858
You were right, Klaus. A baking soda bath
did wonders for our hives.
380
00:20:30,525 --> 00:20:32,233
How's your swollen tongue?
And how's your research?
381
00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:33,900
My tongue is improving.
382
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,650
- As for my research, see for yourselves.
- What is all this?
383
00:20:36,733 --> 00:20:38,650
It's Aunt Josephine's note.
384
00:20:38,733 --> 00:20:40,733
- Look, I-T-apostrophe-S.
- I remember.
385
00:20:40,817 --> 00:20:42,650
Aunt Josephine wrote "it's" as in "it is,"
386
00:20:42,733 --> 00:20:44,775
when she meant "its"
as in "belonging to it."
387
00:20:44,858 --> 00:20:47,525
That was just to get our attention.
But look at the second sentence.
388
00:20:47,608 --> 00:20:49,108
"My heart is as cold as Ike."
389
00:20:49,192 --> 00:20:52,275
But Aunt Josephine said she liked
to think of her husband someplace hot.
390
00:20:52,358 --> 00:20:54,067
"As cold as ice"
would make a lot more sense.
391
00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:56,983
Exactly! Unless these aren't
grammatical mistakes at all.
392
00:20:57,067 --> 00:21:00,358
They're a message. Aunt Josephine said
she and Ike developed secret codes.
393
00:21:00,442 --> 00:21:02,775
C for "ice" instead of "Ike."
394
00:21:02,858 --> 00:21:05,692
U for "unbearable"
instead of "inbearable."
395
00:21:05,775 --> 00:21:07,983
- R-D...
- L-E-D.
396
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,275
Curdled Cave.
397
00:21:11,192 --> 00:21:12,317
That's where I got, too.
398
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,942
But why would her last words
be about some cave?
399
00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:16,442
Maybe they're not her last words.
400
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:19,192
What if she only wants
people to think that she's dead?
401
00:21:19,275 --> 00:21:21,025
People who don't care about
grammatical errors.
402
00:21:21,108 --> 00:21:22,442
- Like Count Olaf.
- Exactly.
403
00:21:22,525 --> 00:21:25,275
What if she's alive
and wants us to know where she's hiding?
404
00:21:25,358 --> 00:21:26,692
Curdled Cave.
405
00:21:27,317 --> 00:21:28,942
We have to find her.
406
00:21:29,525 --> 00:21:32,608
- How are we gonna get to the Curdled Cave?
- Look at the dotted line.
407
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:35,067
It looks like the Fickle Ferry
goes to the Lavender Lighthouse,
408
00:21:35,150 --> 00:21:36,483
which is right next to the cave.
409
00:21:36,567 --> 00:21:39,650
I saw the schedule
when we arrived at Damocles Dock.
410
00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:41,817
The Fickle Ferry leaves every 17 minutes.
411
00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,275
Let's gather everything we might need.
412
00:21:44,608 --> 00:21:46,817
Klaus!
413
00:22:34,067 --> 00:22:35,192
Klaus!
414
00:22:46,650 --> 00:22:47,900
Klaus!
415
00:24:01,317 --> 00:24:06,567
And, finally, there is still the matter
of Aunt Josephine's house to take care of.
416
00:24:06,650 --> 00:24:07,733
- Right.
- Those forms
417
00:24:07,817 --> 00:24:10,608
need to be filled out in quintuplicate.
418
00:24:12,858 --> 00:24:13,942
Mmm!
419
00:24:14,942 --> 00:24:16,067
sighs
420
00:24:17,608 --> 00:24:19,025
And then we can treat ourselves
421
00:24:19,108 --> 00:24:22,358
to my second favorite candy
when I was a boy, peppermints.
422
00:24:22,942 --> 00:24:24,650
During tourist season at Lake Lachrymose,
423
00:24:24,733 --> 00:24:27,400
the Fickle Ferry brings visitors
from all over the world
424
00:24:27,483 --> 00:24:28,608
to enjoy sunshine...
425
00:24:30,358 --> 00:24:31,358
fresh air...
426
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:34,775
smoked mackerel. Mmm.
427
00:24:35,775 --> 00:24:38,567
The ferry leaves every 17 minutes
to the Lavender Lighthouse,
428
00:24:38,650 --> 00:24:40,525
where tourists can walk to Curdled Cave
429
00:24:40,608 --> 00:24:44,400
or they could bask in the lighthouse's
pale purple glow.
430
00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:46,025
But that's only when the weather is warm.
431
00:24:46,108 --> 00:24:49,525
During the off-season,
Lake Lachrymose has very few visitors,
432
00:24:49,608 --> 00:24:51,525
which is why the ferry company
has added two words
433
00:24:51,608 --> 00:24:53,442
to the bottom of their schedule
in fine print,
434
00:24:53,525 --> 00:24:54,650
a phrase which here means
435
00:24:54,733 --> 00:24:57,358
"you might miss reading it
until it was too late."
436
00:24:59,025 --> 00:25:00,983
- "Weather permitting."
- What does that mean?
437
00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:03,817
It means the Fickle Ferry isn't
running at all.
438
00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:06,317
Then how are we gonna get to Curdled Cave?
439
00:25:11,775 --> 00:25:14,525
There is also fine print attached
to this sad tale.
440
00:25:14,608 --> 00:25:16,483
A number of concerned people are worried
441
00:25:16,567 --> 00:25:18,983
that if you watch the Baudelaire orphans
steal a sailboat
442
00:25:19,067 --> 00:25:22,442
and sail across Lake Lachrymose
in the middle of Hurricane Herman...
443
00:25:23,150 --> 00:25:24,483
We're gonna steal a sailboat,
444
00:25:24,567 --> 00:25:27,025
sail across Lake Lachrymose
in the middle of Hurricane Herman.
445
00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:30,067
you might be tempted
to do such a thing yourself.
446
00:25:32,942 --> 00:25:35,025
We're stealing these, too.
447
00:25:35,108 --> 00:25:37,192
So allow me to offer you
a piece of advice,
448
00:25:37,275 --> 00:25:39,150
even though
I don't know anything about you.
449
00:25:42,150 --> 00:25:44,858
Do not take a sailboat
that does not belong to you.
450
00:25:44,942 --> 00:25:47,275
We're just borrowing it.
We'll bring it back.
451
00:25:47,358 --> 00:25:49,233
And nobody will even know
what we're doing.
452
00:25:54,650 --> 00:25:57,692
And do not attempt to sail that sailboat
during a hurricane.
453
00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:09,192
Especially if, like the Baudelaires,
454
00:26:09,275 --> 00:26:11,983
you only have a vague idea
of how a sailboat works.
455
00:26:12,067 --> 00:26:14,150
I've read some aquatic literature.
456
00:26:14,233 --> 00:26:17,233
All we've got to do is use the sail
to catch the wind.
457
00:26:17,317 --> 00:26:19,483
I've seen this lever in naval blueprints.
458
00:26:19,567 --> 00:26:22,150
It's called the tiller.
It steers the ship.
459
00:26:22,233 --> 00:26:23,983
Now all we have to do
is sail across Lake Lachrymose
460
00:26:24,067 --> 00:26:25,192
in the middle of a hurricane.
461
00:26:30,025 --> 00:26:32,150
Sailing across Lake Lachrymose
in a hurricane
462
00:26:32,233 --> 00:26:33,733
offers a plethora of challenges.
463
00:26:33,817 --> 00:26:37,442
"Plethora" is a word which here means
"too many to list," but I will try.
464
00:26:37,525 --> 00:26:39,858
Your boat might be tossed
into the Wicked Whirlpool...
465
00:26:39,942 --> 00:26:41,442
Mind the whirlpool!
466
00:26:42,442 --> 00:26:44,692
or dashed to bits
on the Rancorous Rocks.
467
00:26:44,775 --> 00:26:46,817
Watch out for the rocks!
468
00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:48,567
And even if you were lucky enough
469
00:26:48,650 --> 00:26:51,775
to spy the faint purple beam
of the Lavender Lighthouse...
470
00:26:54,983 --> 00:26:56,400
It's the Lavender Lighthouse.
471
00:26:57,567 --> 00:26:59,733
it would be an outright miracle
if your boat were not destroyed
472
00:26:59,817 --> 00:27:02,108
at the craggy entrance of Curdled Cave.
473
00:27:02,192 --> 00:27:04,108
Fortunately, the Baudelaires
were about to learn
474
00:27:04,192 --> 00:27:06,150
what any local weatherperson can tell you.
475
00:27:07,442 --> 00:27:09,483
All storms eventually break.
476
00:27:10,067 --> 00:27:11,525
Even Hurricane Herman.
477
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,775
sighs
478
00:27:21,525 --> 00:27:23,733
Lake Lachrymose is actually very pretty.
479
00:27:25,942 --> 00:27:27,442
I never noticed it before.
480
00:27:27,525 --> 00:27:30,442
I guess we got used to looking at it
through Aunt Josephine's eyes.
481
00:27:35,192 --> 00:27:37,233
Curdled Cave is for sale.
482
00:27:37,317 --> 00:27:40,067
Who would want to live
in such a phantasmagorical place?
483
00:27:40,942 --> 00:27:43,650
What is that sound?
484
00:27:43,733 --> 00:27:45,858
Just the wind... probably.
485
00:27:46,442 --> 00:27:49,192
I read that when wind passes
through small spaces, like caves,
486
00:27:49,275 --> 00:27:52,817
it can make strange noises.
It's nothing to be afraid of.
487
00:27:52,900 --> 00:27:54,275
I'm afraid of it anyway.
488
00:27:55,775 --> 00:27:56,858
Me, too.
489
00:28:09,192 --> 00:28:11,567
Aunt Josephine?
490
00:28:11,650 --> 00:28:13,442
Are you...
491
00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:14,358
okay?
492
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:21,567
You figured it out!
I knew you could figure it out.
493
00:28:21,650 --> 00:28:25,317
I knew you would decode my message.
494
00:28:25,442 --> 00:28:28,900
- Klaus really did it.
- But Violet knew how to work the sailboat.
495
00:28:28,983 --> 00:28:30,400
Without Violet,
we never would've made it here.
496
00:28:30,483 --> 00:28:31,775
Sunny spotted the lighthouse.
497
00:28:31,858 --> 00:28:35,192
Well, I am so glad to see all of you.
498
00:28:35,275 --> 00:28:39,442
Just let me catch my breath
and I'll help you bring in your things.
499
00:28:39,525 --> 00:28:42,483
- What things?
- Your luggage, of course.
500
00:28:43,192 --> 00:28:46,025
I hope you brought food. I'm out.
501
00:28:48,317 --> 00:28:50,858
- We didn't bring any food.
- No food?
502
00:28:50,942 --> 00:28:54,983
How in the world did you expect
to live with me in this cave
503
00:28:55,067 --> 00:28:56,858
if you didn't bring any food?
504
00:28:56,942 --> 00:28:58,733
We didn't come here to live with you.
505
00:28:58,817 --> 00:29:00,233
Then why did you come?
506
00:29:02,150 --> 00:29:05,442
Whatever word that was, Sunny,
it was grammatically incorrect.
507
00:29:05,525 --> 00:29:07,567
But maybe one of your siblings
508
00:29:07,650 --> 00:29:11,192
will explain in correct English
why you're here.
509
00:29:11,275 --> 00:29:13,733
Because Captain Sham
almost had us in his clutches.
510
00:29:13,817 --> 00:29:16,608
Everyone thought you were dead,
and in your will and testament,
511
00:29:16,692 --> 00:29:19,442
you wrote that we should be placed
in the care of Captain Sham.
512
00:29:19,525 --> 00:29:21,025
He forced me to do that.
513
00:29:23,650 --> 00:29:27,817
We were only halfway through
our fried-egg sandwiches
514
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:31,317
when Captain Sham told me
that he was really...
515
00:29:32,317 --> 00:29:34,275
- Count Olaf.
- Count Olaf.
516
00:29:42,525 --> 00:29:47,858
He said I had to write out a will saying
you children would be left in his care,
517
00:29:47,942 --> 00:29:50,483
or he would drown me in the lake.
518
00:29:50,567 --> 00:29:53,692
I was so frightened
that I agreed immediately,
519
00:29:53,775 --> 00:29:58,108
but hid a secret message
I hoped you children would find.
520
00:30:00,525 --> 00:30:04,942
Of course,
then I knew my life was truly in danger.
521
00:30:05,692 --> 00:30:07,275
I waited for my opportunity...
522
00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:18,817
Come on.
523
00:30:25,442 --> 00:30:27,692
Here's Shammy!
524
00:30:36,692 --> 00:30:39,192
And faked my own death.
525
00:30:50,692 --> 00:30:53,275
Well, that... worked out.
526
00:31:15,692 --> 00:31:18,733
It's a good thing
I remembered to put gas
527
00:31:18,817 --> 00:31:22,025
in my recreational watercraft.
528
00:31:53,067 --> 00:31:54,692
- Aunt Josephine?
- Aunt Josephine?
529
00:31:54,775 --> 00:31:56,150
Why didn't you take us with you?
530
00:31:56,233 --> 00:31:58,650
Why did you leave us
all alone by ourselves?
531
00:31:58,733 --> 00:32:00,775
Why didn't you protect us
from Count Olaf?
532
00:32:00,858 --> 00:32:02,025
Oh, Violet...
533
00:32:03,192 --> 00:32:08,358
it is not grammatically correct
to say "leave us all alone by ourselves."
534
00:32:08,442 --> 00:32:13,442
You can say "leave us all alone,"
or "leave us by ourselves,"
535
00:32:13,525 --> 00:32:16,108
but not both. Do you understand?
536
00:32:18,150 --> 00:32:22,942
That didn't sound grammatical either,
but we'll say no more about it.
537
00:32:23,025 --> 00:32:26,525
We have all had a very trying day,
538
00:32:26,608 --> 00:32:31,483
but I don't think Captain Sham
will ever find us here.
539
00:32:31,567 --> 00:32:35,442
We can share Curdled Cave
for the rest of our lives.
540
00:32:35,525 --> 00:32:36,650
We're not staying here.
541
00:32:36,733 --> 00:32:38,525
We're taking the sailboat
back to the town,
542
00:32:38,608 --> 00:32:39,942
and we're taking you with us.
543
00:32:40,025 --> 00:32:42,358
No way, Jose.
544
00:32:42,442 --> 00:32:45,733
I am too frightened of Count Olaf
to face him.
545
00:32:45,817 --> 00:32:48,067
But if you tell Mr. Poe what happened,
546
00:32:48,150 --> 00:32:51,775
then Count Olaf will be locked away
and we'll be safe, all of us.
547
00:32:51,858 --> 00:32:55,692
You can tell him that if you want.
I am staying here.
548
00:32:55,775 --> 00:32:59,400
He won't believe us unless you come along
and prove you're alive.
549
00:32:59,483 --> 00:33:05,442
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
550
00:33:05,525 --> 00:33:07,567
I am too afraid.
551
00:33:07,650 --> 00:33:09,317
We're all afraid.
552
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,442
We were afraid
when you brought home Count Olaf.
553
00:33:11,525 --> 00:33:13,983
We were afraid when we thought
you had jumped out a window.
554
00:33:14,067 --> 00:33:16,650
We were afraid to give ourselves
allergic reactions,
555
00:33:16,733 --> 00:33:18,317
we were afraid to steal a sailboat,
556
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:20,775
and we were afraid to make our way
across Lake Lachrymose
557
00:33:20,858 --> 00:33:22,108
in the middle of a hurricane.
558
00:33:22,192 --> 00:33:23,608
But that didn't stop us!
559
00:33:23,692 --> 00:33:26,983
I can't help it
if you are braver than I am.
560
00:33:27,067 --> 00:33:28,192
I can't do it.
561
00:33:28,775 --> 00:33:32,108
I am going to live here
for the rest of my life,
562
00:33:32,192 --> 00:33:35,942
and there is nothing you can say
that will change my mind.
563
00:33:40,775 --> 00:33:42,442
You know Curdled Cave is for sale.
564
00:33:44,442 --> 00:33:45,775
So what?
565
00:33:45,858 --> 00:33:49,900
Well, that just means that before long,
566
00:33:49,983 --> 00:33:53,317
certain people are going to want
to look at it.
567
00:33:54,233 --> 00:33:55,817
And some of those people...
568
00:33:57,608 --> 00:33:59,400
will be real estate agents.
569
00:34:01,650 --> 00:34:02,900
Okay, let's go.
570
00:34:10,608 --> 00:34:11,858
Uh-oh.
571
00:34:16,608 --> 00:34:17,692
Uh-oh.
572
00:34:21,067 --> 00:34:22,692
Uh-oh.
573
00:34:22,775 --> 00:34:25,317
Aunt Josephine, I really do wish
you'd stop saying that.
574
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,775
Hurricane Herman is over,
the sailboat is working perfectly
575
00:34:27,858 --> 00:34:29,733
and we'll be back to Damocles Dock
by morning.
576
00:34:30,317 --> 00:34:32,150
We're as safe as can possibly be expected.
577
00:34:32,233 --> 00:34:33,317
Maybe...
578
00:34:34,525 --> 00:34:36,858
maybe you could think back to a time
579
00:34:36,942 --> 00:34:41,483
when you were a little more
fierce and formidable.
580
00:34:43,692 --> 00:34:46,608
- Where did you find this?
- In the library.
581
00:34:46,692 --> 00:34:49,525
I haven't seen this photograph in years.
582
00:34:50,233 --> 00:34:54,108
Lucky Smells Lumbermill.
Ah, it's not far from here.
583
00:34:54,525 --> 00:34:56,567
Oh, look at Ike.
584
00:34:56,650 --> 00:34:58,775
Look how handsome he looks in that hat.
585
00:34:58,858 --> 00:35:00,692
Oh, and look at Monty!
586
00:35:00,775 --> 00:35:02,775
- And our parents.
- Yes.
587
00:35:03,650 --> 00:35:05,025
And your parents.
588
00:35:06,025 --> 00:35:07,775
Such brave and noble people.
589
00:35:07,858 --> 00:35:11,817
- Oh, how I miss them.
- We miss them, too.
590
00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:14,567
But we have questions about them.
591
00:35:14,650 --> 00:35:17,400
They never told us about you.
They never told us about Uncle Monty.
592
00:35:17,483 --> 00:35:19,733
I have a feeling there's lots of things
they never told us about.
593
00:35:19,817 --> 00:35:25,733
Your parents, Baudelaires,
wanted to raise you in a quiet world,
594
00:35:25,817 --> 00:35:30,650
far away from the fiery injustices
that were threatening all of us.
595
00:35:30,733 --> 00:35:32,900
They were trying to keep you safe.
596
00:35:32,983 --> 00:35:35,942
- It didn't work.
- No. No, it didn't.
597
00:35:36,025 --> 00:35:38,983
Not long after this photograph was taken,
598
00:35:39,067 --> 00:35:42,525
your parents and I had to make
a vastly frightening decision.
599
00:35:42,608 --> 00:35:45,317
I remember that day so well, Klaus.
600
00:35:45,942 --> 00:35:49,983
Your mother had just wrestled
one of our enemies to the ground,
601
00:35:50,067 --> 00:35:52,817
when she turned to me and said...
602
00:35:53,317 --> 00:35:54,650
- Uh-oh.
- What?
603
00:35:55,233 --> 00:35:59,442
- Uh-oh. And I mean it this time.
- What's wrong?
604
00:35:59,525 --> 00:36:02,900
We are now entering the territory
of the Lachrymose Leeches.
605
00:36:02,983 --> 00:36:04,692
Oh, my poor Ike!
606
00:36:04,775 --> 00:36:10,650
He always loved shredded beef tamales,
and they ended up sealing his doom.
607
00:36:10,733 --> 00:36:11,817
I'm sure we'll be all right.
608
00:36:11,900 --> 00:36:14,025
You said that the leeches
were usually harmless.
609
00:36:14,108 --> 00:36:16,483
Unless you have recently eaten.
610
00:36:16,567 --> 00:36:20,525
We haven't eaten anything since those
peppermints at the Anxious Clown.
611
00:36:20,608 --> 00:36:23,317
That was brunch,
and it's almost morning now.
612
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:25,858
You didn't eat anything recently,
did you, Aunt Josephine?
613
00:36:29,358 --> 00:36:30,400
Aunt Josephine?
614
00:36:31,233 --> 00:36:32,275
Banana.
615
00:36:33,192 --> 00:36:36,233
I ate a banana
just before you arrived.
616
00:36:37,650 --> 00:36:40,275
- Uh-oh.
- I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.
617
00:36:40,358 --> 00:36:41,817
Leeches are very small animals.
618
00:36:41,900 --> 00:36:43,983
If we were in the water,
we might have reason to fear,
619
00:36:44,067 --> 00:36:45,733
but I doubt they'd attack a sailboat.
620
00:36:45,817 --> 00:36:48,733
Hurricane Herman might have even
scared them out of the territory.
621
00:36:51,442 --> 00:36:52,442
Uh-oh.
622
00:37:03,525 --> 00:37:05,817
You see? We're perfectly safe.
623
00:37:05,900 --> 00:37:10,275
Yeah. Perfectly safe.
See? They're leaving.
624
00:37:15,233 --> 00:37:16,692
Whoa!
625
00:37:21,525 --> 00:37:23,275
We're gonna need to sail
much, much faster,
626
00:37:23,358 --> 00:37:25,525
or this boat will be in pieces in no time.
627
00:37:25,608 --> 00:37:28,067
But sailing relies on wind.
We can't make the wind go any faster.
628
00:37:28,150 --> 00:37:31,942
Please don't throw me overboard!
I'm too frightened!
629
00:37:36,817 --> 00:37:38,817
Nobody's gonna throw you overboard.
630
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,733
- Well, rowing's not gonna work.
- Rowing won't help anyway.
631
00:37:59,817 --> 00:38:01,525
This boat is sinking. We need help.
632
00:38:01,608 --> 00:38:03,233
How are we gonna get help
in the middle of a lake?
633
00:38:03,317 --> 00:38:04,983
We just need a signal.
634
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:14,817
That's right, darling.
Close your eyes.
635
00:38:14,900 --> 00:38:16,733
That's what I do when I'm afraid.
636
00:38:16,817 --> 00:38:20,192
It always makes me feel better
to block out the fear.
637
00:38:20,275 --> 00:38:22,692
Let's all close our eyes,
638
00:38:22,775 --> 00:38:25,275
as if we're watching
some on-screen entertainment
639
00:38:25,358 --> 00:38:28,067
that's too scary for people our age.
640
00:38:28,150 --> 00:38:30,358
Violet's not blocking out anything.
641
00:38:30,900 --> 00:38:32,400
That's how she concentrates.
642
00:38:32,483 --> 00:38:33,525
Fire alarms.
643
00:38:34,567 --> 00:38:36,192
- What?
- Fire alarms.
644
00:38:36,275 --> 00:38:38,900
Oh, please don't say
any more scary things.
645
00:38:38,983 --> 00:38:40,108
I'm frightened enough.
646
00:38:40,192 --> 00:38:42,525
Fire alarms are an excellent way
to signal for assistance.
647
00:38:42,608 --> 00:38:44,692
We need noise, we need light.
648
00:38:49,108 --> 00:38:51,775
- We need to start a fire.
- Won't that get us in more danger?
649
00:38:51,858 --> 00:38:54,108
If we start a fire for light
and hit the bucket for noise,
650
00:38:54,192 --> 00:38:55,442
we can attract attention.
651
00:38:55,525 --> 00:38:57,567
It'll be hard to start a fire.
Everything here is...
652
00:38:59,775 --> 00:39:01,442
wet from the storm!
653
00:39:02,775 --> 00:39:05,733
Not everything.
Aunt Josephine, I need your scarf.
654
00:39:05,817 --> 00:39:09,358
No! I need it more.
I need it to protect my neck.
655
00:39:09,442 --> 00:39:12,067
I don't have time to argue with you.
I'm trying to save each of our lives!
656
00:39:12,150 --> 00:39:15,817
The expression is
"saving all of our lives"
657
00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:17,400
not "saving each of our... "
658
00:39:17,483 --> 00:39:19,775
Sit down!
659
00:39:21,025 --> 00:39:23,233
Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!
660
00:39:24,733 --> 00:39:26,150
How do we light this?
661
00:39:26,817 --> 00:39:30,650
Well, there's friction, but that requires
technique, patience and dry conditions.
662
00:39:30,733 --> 00:39:32,525
There has to be another way.
663
00:39:33,192 --> 00:39:35,650
The scientific principle of the divergence
and refraction of light.
664
00:39:35,733 --> 00:39:38,275
The scientific principle of the divergence
and refraction of light?
665
00:39:38,358 --> 00:39:40,858
The scientific principle of the divergence
and refraction of light.
666
00:39:40,942 --> 00:39:44,317
You know, when horrible people
use a magnifying glass to burn ants.
667
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:45,567
Olaf used to do that.
668
00:39:46,150 --> 00:39:48,817
Theoretically, if I can catch
enough light from the lighthouse beam...
669
00:39:49,567 --> 00:39:51,525
- That seems unlikely.
- Just try your best.
670
00:39:51,608 --> 00:39:54,483
It doesn't matter if I try my best.
What matters is what happens.
671
00:39:56,108 --> 00:39:57,567
It won't work! The angle's wrong.
672
00:39:58,317 --> 00:40:00,983
The light just needs to refract off
of something else to reach us.
673
00:40:01,067 --> 00:40:02,858
There is nothing else. We're all alone.
674
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:22,567
- I think I see something down there!
- If only we brought the spyglass.
675
00:40:24,108 --> 00:40:25,317
These will have to do.
676
00:40:33,525 --> 00:40:35,567
- You did it.
- We did it.
677
00:40:36,692 --> 00:40:37,983
It's a plane.
678
00:40:39,567 --> 00:40:41,733
Klaus, lower the sail.
679
00:40:47,567 --> 00:40:48,400
Help!
680
00:40:51,608 --> 00:40:53,025
Save me!
681
00:40:54,608 --> 00:40:56,900
Save me!
682
00:40:56,983 --> 00:40:59,358
- Help! Help!
- Save me!
683
00:41:01,192 --> 00:41:02,650
It's a small boat in distress.
684
00:41:02,733 --> 00:41:06,025
Why would anybody be on the lake
so soon after a hurricane?
685
00:41:06,108 --> 00:41:08,067
Maybe they're trying
to reach their family, too.
686
00:41:08,150 --> 00:41:10,067
- They'll never make it.
- Unless we help them.
687
00:41:10,150 --> 00:41:12,400
I could fly low,
reduce our speed to 80 knots.
688
00:41:12,483 --> 00:41:13,817
We need to find a way to extract them.
689
00:41:13,900 --> 00:41:16,733
- I wish we had that grappling hook.
- Wait, ferry approaching.
690
00:41:16,817 --> 00:41:18,525
- Can it make it?
- Pulling up now!
691
00:41:19,692 --> 00:41:21,650
They'll be okay.
692
00:41:21,733 --> 00:41:24,067
Which might be
more than I can say about us.
693
00:41:28,650 --> 00:41:31,400
This might be a bit of a rough landing.
Brace yourself.
694
00:41:31,483 --> 00:41:32,692
I always do.
695
00:41:45,442 --> 00:41:46,525
We're saved!
696
00:41:46,608 --> 00:41:49,775
We are saved!
697
00:41:49,858 --> 00:41:52,358
Oh, my! Oh!
698
00:42:00,525 --> 00:42:03,525
Oh, my goodness.
What a relief.
699
00:42:03,608 --> 00:42:04,692
Oh!
700
00:42:04,775 --> 00:42:07,775
We don't know how to thank you.
701
00:42:09,650 --> 00:42:11,400
I can think of a way.
702
00:42:13,775 --> 00:42:14,900
Oh, no!
703
00:42:15,358 --> 00:42:20,567
You can stop faking your death
and running away and rescuing each other
704
00:42:20,650 --> 00:42:25,025
and making me ferry around
this godforsaken lake searching for you.
705
00:42:25,108 --> 00:42:27,067
Parenting is exhausting.
706
00:42:27,150 --> 00:42:29,400
You're not our parent
and you never will be.
707
00:42:29,983 --> 00:42:31,275
On the contrary,
708
00:42:31,358 --> 00:42:35,942
Mr. Poe is putting the finishing touches
on your adoption papers this very moment.
709
00:42:36,025 --> 00:42:40,150
In a few hours, you will be Violet,
Klaus and Sunny Sham.
710
00:42:40,233 --> 00:42:42,817
When we explain that you forced
Aunt Josephine to write that note,
711
00:42:42,900 --> 00:42:45,567
Mr. Poe will tear those adoption papers
into a thousand pieces.
712
00:42:45,650 --> 00:42:47,817
And who is Mr. Poe going to believe?
713
00:42:47,900 --> 00:42:51,817
The owner of a respectable
lakeside rental agency,
714
00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:56,400
or three runaway pip-squeaks
who go around stealing boats?
715
00:42:56,483 --> 00:42:59,358
We only stole that boat to retrieve
Aunt Josephine from her hiding spot
716
00:42:59,442 --> 00:43:01,858
so she could tell everybody
about your terrible plan.
717
00:43:05,442 --> 00:43:06,692
Is this true?
718
00:43:07,567 --> 00:43:08,733
Uh-huh.
719
00:43:08,817 --> 00:43:10,733
You were going to betray me?
720
00:43:10,817 --> 00:43:14,567
- Mmm.
- After all the years we spent together?
721
00:43:14,650 --> 00:43:17,192
After all of those picnics by the shore?
722
00:43:18,067 --> 00:43:22,942
After all of those shredded beef tamales
I served to your husband?
723
00:43:23,483 --> 00:43:27,317
After all the secrets we had shared?
724
00:43:31,775 --> 00:43:34,525
Yes! I was going to betray you,
725
00:43:34,608 --> 00:43:38,233
and these three children
gave me the courage to do so.
726
00:43:38,317 --> 00:43:42,317
Ever since their parents were killed,
they have been so fierce and formidable,
727
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:45,275
again and again
escaping from your clutches.
728
00:43:45,358 --> 00:43:47,483
And what have I done all these years?
729
00:43:47,567 --> 00:43:51,233
Nothing but hide in my house.
Well, enough of that.
730
00:43:51,317 --> 00:43:55,358
My house can topple off a cliff
for all I care.
731
00:43:55,983 --> 00:43:56,858
Later.
732
00:43:56,942 --> 00:44:00,108
I am ready to be fierce
and formidable again myself,
733
00:44:00,192 --> 00:44:03,067
and to face you, Count Olaf!
734
00:44:04,900 --> 00:44:08,983
I have had enough of your schemes!
I have had enough of your plots!
735
00:44:09,067 --> 00:44:11,983
I have had enough
of your greed and your betrayal.
736
00:44:12,608 --> 00:44:16,275
Listen to me, Olaf,
you villain, you wretch,
737
00:44:16,858 --> 00:44:19,983
you vastly untalented actor!
738
00:44:21,317 --> 00:44:22,608
Ooh.
739
00:44:22,692 --> 00:44:25,692
I'm going to tell you something
I should've told you a long time ago.
740
00:44:25,775 --> 00:44:27,567
And what might that be?
741
00:44:27,650 --> 00:44:29,775
It's "have"!
742
00:44:30,650 --> 00:44:31,650
What?
743
00:44:31,733 --> 00:44:34,900
You said,
"After all the secrets we had shared."
744
00:44:34,983 --> 00:44:39,108
You should have said,
"After all the secrets we have shared."
745
00:44:39,192 --> 00:44:43,692
You made a serious grammatical error!
746
00:44:48,358 --> 00:44:51,025
Let me make sure I understand.
747
00:44:53,192 --> 00:44:54,900
You would not say,
748
00:44:54,983 --> 00:44:58,983
"Josephine Anwhistle had been
thrown overboard to the leeches,"
749
00:44:59,067 --> 00:45:01,067
because that would be incorrect.
750
00:45:01,150 --> 00:45:07,608
But if you said, "Josephine Anwhistle
has been thrown overboard to the leeches,"
751
00:45:07,692 --> 00:45:09,483
you would be all right with that?
752
00:45:09,567 --> 00:45:10,858
Yes.
753
00:45:11,358 --> 00:45:12,442
I mean...
754
00:45:12,942 --> 00:45:14,150
No!
755
00:45:15,442 --> 00:45:18,400
- I mean...
- I think I finally understand the lesson.
756
00:45:21,608 --> 00:45:23,358
Aunt Josephine!
757
00:45:23,442 --> 00:45:25,150
Fiends! All of you!
758
00:45:25,233 --> 00:45:27,358
Aunt Josephine!
759
00:45:30,150 --> 00:45:32,733
This does actually seem, like, a little...
760
00:45:32,817 --> 00:45:35,275
Take the boat to Damocles Dock!
Our work here is done.
761
00:45:35,775 --> 00:45:36,983
But Josephine?
762
00:45:37,067 --> 00:45:39,150
Josephine, Schmosephine.
763
00:45:40,233 --> 00:45:42,067
As I'm sure you know,
one way to demonstrate
764
00:45:42,150 --> 00:45:43,858
you don't care about something
is to say the word
765
00:45:43,942 --> 00:45:46,442
and then repeat the word
with the letters S-C-H-M
766
00:45:46,525 --> 00:45:48,150
replacing the real first letters.
767
00:45:50,775 --> 00:45:53,233
If you didn't care about
truth and justice, for example,
768
00:45:53,317 --> 00:45:56,275
you might say "truth, schmuth"
or "justice, schmustice."
769
00:45:56,775 --> 00:46:00,483
But as Count Olaf steered the Baudelaire
orphans away from the Lachrymose Leeches,
770
00:46:00,567 --> 00:46:03,442
their feelings about Aunt Josephine
were far more complicated.
771
00:46:03,525 --> 00:46:06,650
She had given them a home, even if it was
cold and not hurricane-proof.
772
00:46:06,733 --> 00:46:09,733
She had tried to teach them, even if
it wasn't what they wanted to learn.
773
00:46:09,817 --> 00:46:13,108
And like the Baudelaires,
she had experienced great loss.
774
00:46:13,192 --> 00:46:15,108
And while that doesn't make
a good guardian,
775
00:46:15,192 --> 00:46:17,192
it didn't make her a bad person.
776
00:46:17,275 --> 00:46:20,775
For this reason, the Baudelaires
did not think, "Josephine, Schmosephine."
777
00:46:20,858 --> 00:46:23,942
They thought...
"We hope Aunt Josephine is safe."
778
00:46:41,233 --> 00:46:42,608
Everybody off!
779
00:46:46,775 --> 00:46:48,692
- Klaus?
- Look.
780
00:46:57,025 --> 00:46:58,900
Lucky Smells Lumbermill.
781
00:46:58,983 --> 00:47:00,900
Aunt Josephine said it wasn't far.
782
00:47:01,858 --> 00:47:03,567
Come on. We don't have all day.
783
00:47:10,817 --> 00:47:12,567
What am I supposed to do with you?
784
00:47:12,650 --> 00:47:14,192
You said you were going
to go home and rest,
785
00:47:14,275 --> 00:47:17,483
but instead you steal a sailboat
and push Josephine's house down a hill?
786
00:47:17,567 --> 00:47:20,608
I missed the prehurricane discount
tickets and had to spend the night
787
00:47:20,692 --> 00:47:24,567
in a bed and breakfast
that uses powdered eggs!
788
00:47:24,650 --> 00:47:26,108
I wouldn't be surprised if Captain Sham
789
00:47:26,192 --> 00:47:28,733
was no longer interested
in serving as your guardian,
790
00:47:28,817 --> 00:47:30,983
even though I filled out
these forms in triplicate
791
00:47:31,067 --> 00:47:33,775
while he boated around Lake Lachrymose
looking for you on a hunch.
792
00:47:33,858 --> 00:47:34,692
I don't have a hunch.
793
00:47:35,275 --> 00:47:38,858
Well, I'll admit the children's behavior
did make me have second thoughts.
794
00:47:38,942 --> 00:47:40,400
But then I also had third thoughts,
795
00:47:40,483 --> 00:47:42,442
which are how empty
my wallet and my heart are.
796
00:47:43,025 --> 00:47:46,483
I truly think that the Baudelaires can be
797
00:47:46,567 --> 00:47:49,775
an enormous, enormous fortune in my life.
798
00:47:49,858 --> 00:47:53,817
And so...
as I used to say to my dearest friend,
799
00:47:53,900 --> 00:47:56,650
the late Josephine What's-her-name...
800
00:47:57,692 --> 00:48:00,483
- get in the car.
- We're not going anywhere with you.
801
00:48:00,567 --> 00:48:03,608
Mr. Poe, this man is really
Count Olaf in disguise.
802
00:48:03,692 --> 00:48:06,067
He murdered Aunt Josephine in cold blood.
803
00:48:06,150 --> 00:48:07,483
Uh, actually, cold water.
804
00:48:07,567 --> 00:48:10,525
Klaus, we've been through this.
There's absolutely nothing at this point
805
00:48:10,608 --> 00:48:12,775
that will convince me
that this man is actually Count Olaf.
806
00:48:12,858 --> 00:48:15,608
And you have no evidence
to support these wild accusations,
807
00:48:15,692 --> 00:48:17,900
and I cannot, on behalf
of Mulctuary Money Management,
808
00:48:17,983 --> 00:48:20,483
merely take the word of a single child.
809
00:48:20,567 --> 00:48:23,150
You don't have to take the word
of a single child.
810
00:48:23,233 --> 00:48:25,025
You can take the word of all three of us.
811
00:48:25,108 --> 00:48:28,317
Uh, actually, it's more like two.
The baby doesn't really count. I mean...
812
00:48:33,442 --> 00:48:34,900
My leg!
813
00:48:34,983 --> 00:48:38,108
My leg has grown back! It's amazing!
814
00:48:38,192 --> 00:48:40,108
It's incredible!
815
00:48:40,192 --> 00:48:42,608
It's wonderful! It's a medical miracle!
816
00:48:42,692 --> 00:48:44,233
It's a mitzvah!
817
00:48:44,317 --> 00:48:45,400
Oh, come now, that won't work.
818
00:48:45,483 --> 00:48:47,608
Even a child can see
that peg leg was false.
819
00:48:47,692 --> 00:48:49,900
A child did see
that the peg leg was false.
820
00:48:49,983 --> 00:48:52,775
- Three children, in fact.
- But you didn't listen.
821
00:48:52,858 --> 00:48:53,942
You never listen.
822
00:48:54,025 --> 00:48:56,983
Well, perhaps the peg leg was false.
823
00:48:57,067 --> 00:48:59,733
But I have never seen
this tattoo in my life.
824
00:48:59,817 --> 00:49:00,983
Oh, come now, that won't work either.
825
00:49:01,067 --> 00:49:02,983
You tried to hide the tattoo
with the peg leg.
826
00:49:04,942 --> 00:49:07,817
Maybe the tattoo is real.
827
00:49:07,900 --> 00:49:11,150
- But I am not this Count Olaf person.
- Look.
828
00:49:11,233 --> 00:49:12,650
Lucky Smells Lumbermill.
829
00:49:14,983 --> 00:49:16,817
- Let's go.
- My name is Captain Sham.
830
00:49:16,900 --> 00:49:18,192
It says so on my business card.
831
00:49:18,275 --> 00:49:20,317
Oh, oh, come now,
that won't work either again.
832
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:21,817
Business cards don't prove anything.
833
00:49:21,900 --> 00:49:25,733
Anyone can go to a print shop and have
cards made up that say anything they like.
834
00:49:25,817 --> 00:49:32,817
Well, maybe I'm not Captain Sham,
but the children still belong to me.
835
00:49:33,108 --> 00:49:35,650
Josephine told me so.
836
00:49:35,733 --> 00:49:38,358
Oh, come now,
that won't work for the final time.
837
00:49:38,442 --> 00:49:41,858
Josephine left the children
to Captain Sham, not Count Olaf.
838
00:49:41,942 --> 00:49:45,067
You are Count Olaf and not Captain Sham.
839
00:49:45,150 --> 00:49:46,733
You are going to jail,
840
00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:49,317
and the children will come with me and
we'll settle this once and for...
841
00:49:50,483 --> 00:49:51,358
Baudelaires?
842
00:49:53,108 --> 00:49:54,442
Baudelaires?
843
00:49:55,733 --> 00:49:56,942
Baudelaire...
844
00:49:59,358 --> 00:50:01,025
Baudelaires!
845
00:50:02,317 --> 00:50:03,483
Baudelaires?
846
00:50:04,192 --> 00:50:05,108
Baudelaire...
847
00:50:06,650 --> 00:50:09,858
Baudelaires?
Well, I'll find them in a minute.
848
00:50:09,942 --> 00:50:12,900
You will stay here, Count Olaf,
and I'll finally contact the...
849
00:50:14,733 --> 00:50:15,775
Count Olaf!
850
00:50:16,358 --> 00:50:18,025
Count Olaf!
851
00:50:22,192 --> 00:50:23,483
I'm all alone.
852
00:50:27,150 --> 00:50:29,400
What's that thing Haruki Murakami said?
853
00:50:30,858 --> 00:50:31,942
"When you come out of the storm,
854
00:50:32,025 --> 00:50:34,233
you won't be the same person
who walked in."
855
00:50:34,317 --> 00:50:35,608
Before that part.
856
00:50:35,692 --> 00:50:38,025
"You won't even be sure, in fact...
857
00:50:38,608 --> 00:50:40,983
whether the storm is really over."
858
00:50:43,733 --> 00:50:45,692
Do you think we made the right choice?
859
00:50:45,775 --> 00:50:48,317
Doesn't matter
if we made the right choice.
860
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,317
What matters is what happens.